Chore language:      I have to, I must, I should.

Choice language:     I love to, I want to, I can, I will.

Chore emotions:     Resentment is very common.  Anger and irritability.  Drained, dis-empowered and disappointed.

Choice emotions:    Fun, Enjoyment, Empowerment, Success, Achievement…………..

Chore time zone:    Generally people doing chores are not in the present.  They are thinking about something else, or feeling negative.  They are dis-engaged from what they are doing.

Choice time zone:   Generally people who are doing what they chose to do are in the present and totally aware of what they are doing.  They are “engaged”.

Chore quality:         If you’re resentful because you don’t want to do it but decide you have to do it anyway, and your mind isn’t focused, then you’ve probably not completed it very well.

Choice quality:        I’m enjoying this, I’m totally aware of what I’m doing so I’m doing it to the best of my ability and with a good heart.

Chore Impact:        A healthy approach to a day of chores would be to give yourself a treat for your efforts and appreciate all that you achieved.  Often, though, the impact of too much chores is boredom, avoidance, substance abuse ( including food!), irritability and generally feeling miserable.  Often the irritability gets taken out on other people who really don’t deserve it.

Choice Impact:       A day of doing what you chose to do leads to feelings of well-being, empowerment and success.

We all have chores but we can choose what chores are essential, useful and necessary.  We can also choose to do chores with a good heart and for the good of others.  If you identify your “absolutely essential chores” and compare them to the chores you actually do in a day – are there chores that you do because:

• You want to feel needed, indispensible and useful?
• You aren’t good at asking or receiving help from other people?
• You haven’t learned how to say no?
• You feel guilty for having fun?
• You want to prove you can cope?
• You’re avoiding doing what you really want to do because it’s challenging and doing chores is a good excuse why you can’t do the challenging task?

Always be compassionate.  Give thanks for your learning and all that you achieved today.

Thérèse Hackett, Ciúnas, 086 819 3005

Go forward with Courage

When you are in doubt, be still, and wait;  When doubt no longer exists for you, then Go Forward with Courage.

So long as mists envelop you, be still;  Be still until the sunlight pours through and dispels the mists – as it surely will, then Act with Courage.  (Ponca Chief White Eagle – 1800’s to 1914)

Lakota Instructions for Living

Friend, do it this way – that is, whatever you do in life,  do the very best you can with both your heart and mind.  And if you do it that way, the power of the Universe will come to your assistance, if your heart and mind are in Unity.

When one sits in the Hoop Of The People,  one must be responsible because, All of Creation is related. And the hurt of one is the hurt of all. And the honour of one is the honour of all.  And whatever we do affects everything in the Universe.

If you do it that way – that is, if you truly join your heart and your mind as One – whatever you ask for, that’s The Way It’s Going To Be.  (passed down from White Buffalo Calf Woman)

Always be compassionate.  Give thanks for your learning and all that you achieved today.

Thérèse Hackett, Ciúnas, 086 819 3005

Stress is a energy – another way to describe “energy” is a “mood”. Thoughts create energy.

When we feel good about ourselves no matter what’s happening around us – that’s empowerment.

We all talk about the negativity, anger, blame and complaints that bring us down (maybe we’re the negative ones?).  When we’re in that energy/mood of powerlessness, our perspective is very fearful and we want to be rescued.  It’s impossible to be creative.  Our behaviour can become very “headless chicken”, starting lots of jobs and finishing nothing, we can even get dizzy.   Our immune systems are weakened.  We worrying about the future and are physically exhausted, drained and probably irritable.

If you recognize that energy/mood in yourself, stop, and think about how you can change it. 

(One popular energy/mood changer is alcohol – it doesn’t work because when we’re sober again, nothing has changed).

Become aware of your own energy – make it part of your daily routine.  The Buddhists call this “Mindfulness” (check out the Wikipedia definition).

When I say, change the energy/mood, I mean do things that will change your perspective, bring clarity, stimulate creativity and give you energy and wellbeing.  Examples are:

• Stay in the present (read “The Power of Now” by Eckhart Tolle).    Worry is future orientated and when we imagine negative pictures in the future (what if ……… happens?) we modify ourselves to accommodate that “What if”.  So consequently you’re reacting to something that isn’t real and hasn’t happened.  STAY IN THE PRESENT:
  • What is happening right now?
  • What’s possible right now?
  • What resources and skills have I right now and what can I do with them?
  • What choices do I have right now?
• Exercise – stimulates endorphins, the natural healing system in the body.
• Eat healthy food.
• Consider take probiotics and vitamins if you’re constantly exhausted.
• Listen to music.
• Meditation, Massage, Reflexology, Healing, Therapy.
• A change of scene, e.g. a holiday or a day off, a night out, a long walk on the beach, etc.
• Laugh – it’s a necessity!  Laughter stimulates endorphins which increase our wellbeing.

Explore what could change your mood for you.

I believe that managing our energy/mood (mindfulness) is as essential as getting up in the morning, because if you feel good, then your perspective will be positive and you’ll be more creative and productive.   Try it for a week and I guarantee things will change for you.  Your family will appreciate it too!!

Always be compassionate.  Give thanks for your learning and all that you achieved today.

Thérèse Hackett, Ciúnas, 086 819 3005

When you allow the time and patience to get to know you, you’ll discover you’re the most interesting and amazing person you’ll ever meet!

Compassion leads to freedom, understanding and consequently growth and change.

Control, (the result of fear), is following rules or roles and often leads to self-criticism, pressure and anxiety.

If you’re trying to achieve something or change a limiting pattern of behaviour, you’ll have greater success if you approach it will compassion as opposed to control.  The language of control is “have to, must, should”, while the language of compassion is “what, why, how, when”.

I appreciate rules and roles give us a structure:  we know what we’re supposed to do because someone told us or we watched someone else do it, and that can be helpful at the start of a project.  However, if that structure doesn’t work for you but you keep doing it anyway, all you end up with is self-criticism/judgment, failure and resentment.

Try a compassionate approach, use questions to understand:  What is the best way for me to do this project?  Design your own strategy.  Engage with yourself and ask:

• What am I trying to achieve?
• What will this do for me?
• How will I know when I’ve got it?
• Why is it important to me?
• What will change?  Is that ok?
• Am I doing this for me or for someone else?
• What currently stops me achieving what I want to achieve?
• Why do what I currently do?
• What am I avoiding?
• How is that destructive for me?
• How do I treat myself?
• What do I need to learn about myself?
• Look at the objective again, does it need to change?
• Observing my behaviour, what can I change?
• What is the difference that will make the difference?
• What’s the next step?

Compassion leads to relief and joy.  Applying a compassionate approach, we give ourselves permission to be who we truly are, it allows us to understand ourselves and our motives.

Always be compassionate.  Give thanks for your learning and all that you achieved today.

Thérèse Hackett, Ciúnas, 086 819 3005

Example – you’re driving behind someone and they don’t turn on their indicator before turning left and you have to break suddenly to avoid hitting them – oh, you could scream …………!  But before you scream, consider:  you don’t know what’s going on for them at the moment, perhaps they have the weight of the world on their minds and they’re just about coping.  I’m not saying that their action is acceptable but maybe if I was walking in their shoes, I’d forget to turn on my indicator too!

Think of someone you’re angry with – who perhaps have done you an injustice.   Again I’m not condoning their behaviour or saying it’s acceptable.  But step into their shoes for a moment and consider what they’re going through at the moment and what they’ve gone through during their lives and how those experiences have shaped their perceptions?  Does that help make some sense of their behaviour?

Now think about how you decided to feel your hurt?  What made you react that way?  How you are responding? Is that response helping resolve the situation?

When someone’s behaviour hurts or frightens us, our instinct is to get defensive, which could mean fighting back or hiding/avoiding.  But if we stopped for a moment and really looked at the two people involved (you and him/her), who they have become as a result of their life experiences so far, then maybe with some compassion and consequently, communication, forgiveness could be reached and the hurt let go.

Have you ever reminisced with your siblings about a particular event and you all have different perceptions and memories of the same experience!  (What is reality anyway?)  Our perception is what creates our reality.  As we experience an event, we make decisions about ourselves and those decisions become our beliefs and create our values and consequently impact our emotions.

So if someone did or said something to me and in my perception of reality, that hurt me, maybe in their perception of reality, they didn’t do anything inaccurate.  Can you see how important honest communication and compassion is?  With it we can solve anything.

Are you ever angry at yourself?  Perhaps you repeat a destructive behaviour that upsets you but you don’t seem to be able to stop it.  The next time you feel compelled do that behaviour, as opposed to judging yourself and being hard on you, ask yourself, what triggered the compulsion to do that behaviour?  What are you trying to avoid?  How come that behaviour feels like your only option?  Could you identify any alternative action that could help you cope better with that trigger?

When you approach a situation with compassion, you’ll find a solution.

Always be compassionate.  Give thanks for your learning and all that you achieved today.

Thérèse Hackett, Ciúnas, 086 819 3005

If, like many people, you are considering starting your own business, where do you start? The following are some pointers:

•  Take a little time to step back and assess your situation and options.
• Identify what you learned from your last job/business that will be useful to you in your future.
• Make a list all your achievements in your life so far.
• In order to deliver those achievements, you used your talents, skills and resources.  List those. (A talent could be; calm under pressure, creativity, etc. Skills are learned; qualifications, great sales skills, etc.  Resources; contacts, your support network, a redundancy package, a premises, the internet etc.   The reason I suggest compiling these lists is to build your confidence and realise all you have achieved over the years.
• From this list, identify:
• What comes naturally to you?
• What do you love doing?
• What are you passionate about?  (While” necessity is the mother of invention”, it’s easier to do a job you love and are passionate about).

Imagine you are completely free to do whatever you want to do:

• What would that be?
• What would be your ideal lifestyle?
• Would you work part-time or full-time?
• Where would you be, Ireland or abroad?

Do you need training in order to achieve your ideal job?  Check out your local Enterprise Board, VEC, Colleges and see what training is available that would fit with your idea.

•  Consider how your new idea impacts you and your family/lifestyle?  How might your family support you?
•  Review some of the financial commitments you made when times were good, are they still realistic?
• What are the essential financial outgoings and what aren’t?
• What changes need to be implemented?

When you have some clarity consider meeting a business coach (I’m not just saying that because I am one – but a coach’s role is to help you tease out what works best for you and to identify short-term and long-term objectives, this process with save you time).  Friends and family are great to talk to but they can have a vested interest, a coach is completely impartial.

Therese Hackett, Ciunas, 086 819 3005

What knocks perseverance out of us?  For me, it’s worry, fear, dread, feeling “I can’t do this”, self-doubt, listening to negativity and applying it to my goals and objectives.

Worry/fear and creativity can’t operate at the same time.  Although when you think about it, we’re quite creative at designing the ‘worry/fear pictures’ we imagine!!  Worry/fear drains energy, it leads to tiredness, hopelessness and inactivity.  It is completely useless.  And what’s worse, you respond to those ‘imaginings’ and adjust your actions accordingly.  Worry/fear pictures are always future orientated – they aren’t real, they aren’t happening!!!  However, if you focus on them long enough you will make them real.

If you really believe in what you’re doing (your goal), it’s really important to you and it’s of benefit, then with creativity and perseverance, you’ll find your way.

As I said before, we create our lives through our choices, decisions and actions.  When we really accept this, we become the power in our lives.  Really successful people persevere!  They have ‘tunnel vision’ and they believe they will achieve despite challenges.

So for today, let’s apply perseverance to what you’re trying to create.  First get into “the present, the now, today”.  A good technique for getting “into the now” is to:

• look around you and see every detail in your current environment
• listen to every sound around you
• feel your environment, the general atmosphere, the ground beneath your feet or if you’re sitting, the chair around you
• take a deep breath and imagine you’re connecting to the centre of the earth and become aware of being in your body.

Imagine connecting to your creativity – ideas, possibilities, invention.

• Do a stock-take of all your talents and resources, list them
• Remember a time when you were using those talents and resources and notice how good it feels
• Appreciate those talents and resources
• Brainstorm new ways you could use those talents and resources, write everything down
• Focus on your goal, whether it’s a personal goal or a work goal.  What can you do right now, today?
• What longer term actions can you implement?
• Start those actions today.

Personally, I consciously ‘get present’ every morning.  When I do that, I develop a positive perspective and consequently have a very productive, focused day.

Always be compassionate.  Give thanks for your learning and all that you achieved today.

Thérèse Hackett, Ciúnas, 086 819 3005

We create our lives through our choices, decisions and actions.  When we really accept this, we become the power in our lives.  Yes events happen that are outside our control, but we create our response to those events and those responses create an impact.

The definition of crazy is; doing the same thing and expecting a different outcome”.  How can you use your creativity to design the change that makes your project succeed?

Think of a time when you were creative; perhaps when you implemented a great idea or you solved a problem.  As you relive that experience, ask yourself:

•  What was the motivator of your creativity?
• Before you even came up with the idea or solution, what did you believe about you?  What did you believe was possible?  How much time did you give yourself?  Did you ask for help?  If so, what was the response and what did you do with that?
• When you got the idea or the solution, what did that feel like?
• What did you do next?
• Did it work immediately or require further honing?
• When the idea/solution was fully operational, how good did that feel?  How did it change things for you?

Now review your project, is there anything in the above answers that you can use to keep you motivated and focused?

Does your project need any adjustment to accommodate your discoveries?

What could you do differently?

What have you achieved so far that warrants acknowledgment?

NOTE:  Over the years I set myself many goals, some happened quickly, some took years, and others haven’t materialized yet!  Often I doubted myself and the entire “goal setting strategy”.  This is what I’ve learned:

• Some goals I thought I wanted wouldn’t have been good for me, e.g. remember some of those relationships you thought you couldn’t live without!
• Some goals “failed” but once I accepted this outcome as “feedback” and I learnt what I needed to learn, the goal was modified accordingly and I achieved that goal.
• Some goals take time – a lot of time!  Why – because we aren’t ready for them yet!  This was my most important learning.  Divine timing not my timing!

 Always be compassionate.  Give thanks for your learning and all that you achieved today.

Thérèse Hackett, Ciúnas, 086 819 3005

It doesn’t matter what our project is; lose weight, get a job, develop a new business strategy, get healthy or restart a halted project, the above remains true.

How do you get positive when you’re negative or you’ve been challenged?

If you’ve been challenged, identify; is the challenge of your own making or is it outside your control?  If you created the challenge then:

• Accept that you created it. STOP beating yourself up, be compassionate, this is an opportunity to learn something new about yourself.
• Review the decisions you made that created this challenge
• Identify what motivated those decisions?
• If you had the choice again, what new decisions would you make?
• How can you use this information to move forward?

If the challenge is outside your control, let it go.  Trying to control that which we have no control over leads to powerlessness.

Always ask yourself, what can I do right now/today?  Sometimes you can’t think of anything, then leave it for a while, do something different and see what pops into your head later.

Remember:  there’s no such thing as failure, it’s just feedback to learn from.

Get positive:

Take time to look at your life and notice all the really good stuff in it and the part you played in creating that stuff.

Notice what aspects of your life works really well – appreciate your success.

Identify what you really enjoy doing and how good you are at it.

• How do you do that, identify the steps involved?
• What skills do you employ when doing it?
• What do you believe about you as you do it?
• What motivates you to keep doing it?

Now review your project, is there anything in the above answers that you can use to keep you motivated and focused?

Does your project need any adjustment to accommodate your discoveries?

What could you do differently?

What have you achieved so far that warrants acknowledgment?

 (Next week, I discuss creativity in terms of delivering our projects.)

 Always be compassionate.  Give thanks for your learning and all that you achieved today.

Thérèse Hackett, Ciúnas, 086 819 3005